Ahhhh, I don't even know where to start. I am hoping that by documenting my weight loss journey and even embarrassing myself by sharing some really scary pictures of myself and telling people my weight I might scare myself into being serious about this.
This is a really bad analogy but you know how they say a guy thinks about (well you know) every second of the day, well that is how often I think about my weight...or weight related things like food, eating bad, lack of exercising,etc. All my life I have struggled with my weight. There have been several times in my life when I have lost weight but for one reason or another it seems like I always gain it back. So that is how I chose the title of my blog. Because anyone who knows me, knows that I am always "dieting", my weight fluctuates from year to year....I am the Queen of Yo Yo dieting.
So this most recent spiral out of control started when I got pregnant with my first child. I got pregnant when I was already overweight, so it kind of felt like an up hill battle. Too be honest I did pretty good in the beginning. I threw up so much that I lost about 11 lbs and didn't even start gaining any weight till almost my 3rd trimester. However, by the 3rd trimester I really let my guard down. I let the words of my very well meaning friends and co-workers to just "eat whatever I want because I was pregnant," get to me and boy did I pig out. In the last three months of pregnancy I gained 35 lbs. YIKES!!!
Okay, so you might be thinking that is the end of my HUGE weight gain. Well you would be wrong. It is only the beginning. Even though Quinn was a good size baby 8 lbs 5ounces, I still looked exactly the same after I had the baby. I am not kidding, you seriously could not tell that I had even had a baby. So with that and the fact that he had complications and I was in the NICU for two weeks after he was born, the stress eating really got to me. It was very easy to order several milk shakes from the hospital everyday.
So I could go on and on about how I have continued to just gain more and more weight, but I am going to just cut to the chase. I had several big life changing events happen to me right at the same time.
1. I had a baby
2. I had to quit my job of 6 years
3. I had to pay to sell my first home that I loved
4. I moved from Idaho to Ohio and left behind all my family, friends and loved ones.... :(
5. I got to Ohio and had a huge shock when we arrived to our apartment and found out the contractors had left us some huge messes and the home was not what we expected
Needless to say I was very stressed and emotional and food was my vice and has been for the past year.
So that is how I got here. I am hoping that by creating this blog and maybe gaining some support I can finally leave all of this behind me and start losing weight. My son just turn one year old last month and that is when it really hit me. Instead of trying to lose pregnancy weight, instead of trying to do better I have only gotten worse over the course of the year. I am now big enough that I could be a contestant on this season Biggest Loser. WOW!!!!
So now is crunch time......wish me luck.
Grrr...I am new to blogging and I forgot to spell check before I posted. :(
ReplyDeleteKailee I think it is awesome you are starting this blog, and even more awesome that you are going to dig deep to reach your goal. I am behind you 100%. I am going to check your blog often to see how you are doing. I am you cheerleader from afar. I know you can do it. With the weather warming up it's a great time to start this. You can take the stroller and go for walks. Get your music going and get yer groove on. I'm so proud of you. Please take pictures throughout the journey...not that you need to post them, but for your own sake! Good luck!!
ReplyDeleteYou can do it!!! I'm excited to keep reading about your journey!
ReplyDeletep.s. you can still go back and edit typos... I can show you if you'd like. I'm a blogging wiz!
I figured it out, thanks though. :)
DeleteThanks you guys! This was just what I needed. I saw your posts and it motivated me to workout!!!! I am excited for the nice weather, I love to go for walks.....and yes, I do need help editing my blog. So many typos!!!
ReplyDeleteKailee I KNOW you will do this! You are such an amazing person and so so beautiful! You are an inspiration my dear!! I feel like a hypocrite giving any advice but maybe you can email Candi or facebook her? She has been talking to me lately about this topic and body image and it has been super helpful!
ReplyDeleteThanks Cate....ditto to you, you are awesome!
DeleteI did the same thing with my first little one. I didn't even realize what I had done to myself until I looked at pics of myself at his first birthday party. The biggest key is to take one day at a time. If you mess up don't wait till tomorrow to start again. Start again the next minute. Even if it's one less bite of that cookie don't take it. Don't be hard on yourself. You aren't going to get anywhere if you are beating yourself up all the time. Make real and lasting changes. And do what you can do. When I started exercising with James I felt like I had to kill myself Marine Corps style. But my body can't do that anymore. So I had to walk....I lost more weight just walking. I did three miles a day at a brisk pace and James loved his morning walk. Good luck! I will be praying for you!
ReplyDeleteKailee!
ReplyDeleteI left a long comment but I don't think it saved! I'm rooting for you! I'm on the journey as well. I've decided that I don't want obsessing over food to be a problem in my life. I don't want to be distracted from having different experiences because my minds always in the fridge!! I was watching inbetween conference about the churches 12 step program. One of the ladies said that at 8 years old she knew she had a problem when they were at a picnic and her aunts were talking to her and ALL she could think about was the picnic food!! I could totally relate to that. The lady talked about how the Book of Mormon is about freeing people from bondage and how the Lord promises to free from ANY bondage that we may be dealing with. She prayed for a change of heart and has expereinced one.
It has never occured to me to pray for help for food not to control my life. I read that you think about food all of the time...so do I. I went on my first diet when i was seven. SEVEN, can you believe that?! I was copying my sisters that were in highschool.
My friend said something that really stuck to me the other day. She said that "Satan wants you to hate your body as much as he hates not having one". She talked about how he will use any distraction to keep us from being our best.
Last week when I felt the urge to binge I prayed for help. I prayed that I wouldn't be someone that "has" to have food instead of experiencing emotions. I remind myself daily that "TODAY DOES MATTER" and that any healthy choice is blessing me and my family.
I havent done anything really extreme. I exercise 30 minutes a day. I do it before he wakes, or during his nap or while he in the jumper. I tried p90x but it was way too long. I'm doing Jillian Michaels 90 day body revolution. I've already did the 30 day shred 2 times (its 20 minutes). Dallas and I also go on walks!! I keep track of my Weight Watchers points by myself . I got an app for $1.99 called itrackbites. Anyway I've lost my baby weight plus some!! I went from 202 (8 mos pregnant to 145).
I'm still on the journey but I dont want to have food/eating control my thoughts. I want to live in the moment and have Dallas remember me as a healthy, energetic, active mom.
Sorry this got lengthy!!
Sorry for the poor grammar. I was typing with one hand and didn't read through my comment. I know it not "i've already did!!"
ReplyDeleteThanks for all your tips and encourangement Candi. ;)
Delete